do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
