woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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