It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
