It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
