Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
