Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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