well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
