i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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