in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
