I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What a dumb baby whore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
