You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize