Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
