so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
