I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
