Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
