I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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