Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize