apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
