My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize