Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize