Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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