remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
