I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
