I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
