Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize