She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
