Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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