I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
