i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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