You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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