Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
