Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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