my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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