yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
