We got so high we made milksteak
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
