I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
