So drunk its hurt
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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