You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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