His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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