Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
