he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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