WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
