I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
