is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize