I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
