pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
