At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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