If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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