Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
