...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
