I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The feeling are messing with the penis
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
