O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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