We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
