The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
