she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
