You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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