the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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