you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize