A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
