I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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