well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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