I wish I could teleport
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
