She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
