I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't shave. On purpose
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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