remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
