The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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