where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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