i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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