Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
