Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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