dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
